In one of my posts, I asked the following question:

“If someone offered you two options, to pay you 36 million once off or pay you K1 million per month for 3 years, which one would you take and why?”

On top of the question, I also gave a note that “This is a love question.” Of all the comments I have read on the post, no one considered this note, everyone went full throttle on business exploits, completely ignoring the love note.

There is nothing wrong in choosing K36 million all at once and there is nothing wrong with K1 million per month, however, it is the stability and longevity being offered that once should focus on, not the amount itself.

Love is like K36 million once off
Respect is like K1 million per month

These days, when getting into a relationship, people focus much on love and not the respect that should be with a relationship, that is why divorces, mental instability and competitions in love have become a sand in the shoes.

MariageDOTcom summarizes love as an intense feeling of euphoria and deep affection for someone or something. K36 million feeling. Tilandire tidyeretu, aliyese adziwe. A feeling of love.

While feelings show us our position towards individuals, they have never been pillars of longevity. They fade, as time goes and with unfulfilled expectations, the same feelings transform, from love to hate and in the end, you hurt or get hurt.

A good relationship should be built on respect. K1 million per month.

While love can erupt out of lust, good sex, ma dimples, mbina, kwawo kuli ma Truck, brother wake ali ku UK, peer pressure, deception etc, respect is earned. You respect those who earn it to all the way to your heart and is as a result of good deeds, not a good sex.

According to Kidshelp, respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they’re different from you or you don’t agree with them.

Respect in your relationships builds feelings of trust, safety, and wellbeing. Respect doesn’t have to come naturally – it is something you learn, earn and give.

K1 million guarantees you income for 3 years. In those years, you will have learned to control your expenditure (expectations in love) and come to terms with what is important and what is not.

K36 million, good as it sounds, will only take you as far as your ego goes, nothing beyond. It only offers an escape to financial endurance, prudence and discipline. Out of 100, very few can come out unbruised. A lot of you, K36 million cannot do you any good but harm.

Aliyese adziwe kuti muli ndi ndalama, the very same traits we show in love, aliyese adziwe kuti muli mchikondi as if you do it for people or as if people survive based on how much you are loving or loved. These are things that can be put on display and to test. They never survive.

Love is Respect organization says, Respect in a relationship is reflected in how you treat each other on a daily basis. Even if you disagree or have an argument (and arguments do happen, even in healthy relationships!), you are able to respect and value each other’s opinions and feelings by “fighting” fair. Valuing each other’s feelings and needs.

Today, women will choose to take revenge on a cheating husband, rather than just walk out of that relationship. They will punish him for what he did to them. Koma ndiye dyetsani, dyetsani, ndikwa asasamba omwe, dyetsani. The moment they realize, shame is all over and they can’t face a living thing.

“I no longer love you” becomes the song. In first place, why did you fell in love with the zombie you want to have nothing to do with at all cost? “Ayi ankavina bwino koyambilirako, komanso amakhalitsa akamavina, muja wayambira osapuma, ndalama zinaliponso.” Or “iyayi, she was too tight, ukamalowa ngati pachipata chopapatiza.”

They were driven by feelings to get into a relationship, forgetting a relationship is not an easy ride. In the end, that same feeling becomes hate and hate will do anything to destroy that which it hates. A lot of people today are victims of what they believed to be love.

When you respect someone, in the cause of agony, you simply choose to walk away and still keep their dignity because that’s what your respect for them demands.

As you celebrate valentines tomorrow, reflect on your relationship. Put in more respect which will lead to trust and safety. With trust and safety, you can build anything. Everyone feels important and everyone participates.

To quote John Nthakomwa, CEO of Mibawa TV, who spoke yesterday at the Men’s Conference, “a relation that has been built on trust, it builds a marriage and everyone is at peace. A husband will not be worried when a woman leaves the house for the market because she does not leave alone, she leaves with a man’s trust, same is said for a man who is trusted by his wife.”